New Year's Resolutions

I'm not a huge fan of New Years Resolutions. I love the idea of a fresh start, but for me January 1st isn't that. My fresh start tends to feel more like August, when the new school year starts.

Regardless, in 2009 I wrote this post detailing my goals for 2010 and the next decade {which obv includes 2011!} I was reading through it and I'm really, really proud of how far I've come. You can read the post if you want to know what all of my goals were, but I'm going to reiterate the ones I've accomplished and the ones I'm resetting for this year.

• In 2010, I wanted to lose weight. What I actually did? Was regain all the weight I had lost on the "Divorce Diet." I was stressing out about school, so what did I do when I studied? Ate. And ate. And ate. Mindlessly. So that was a total bummer. I am happy to say that in 2011, I have re-lost all of that weight and am still working on losing more. So yay! A year late, but I'm doing it. I feel fabulous. 
• I wanted to get good grades. So I could get into nursing school. Done and done. As above, it obviously came at the sacrifice of my waistline but you know. It was worth it. 
• Enjoy E. I totally was glad that I took the time the summer of 2010 to just be a mommy. It was great. 
• Get divorced and enjoy being single. My divorce ended up being final this year, in 2011, so that didn't happen in 2010. But? I have been single since March and I'm just now starting to date, so I think I had awhile to adjust to being single and enjoy just worrying about myself. Mission accomplished. 

The goals I set for the next DECADE seemed so ambitious at the time and I'm surprised to have finished a couple of them! 

• Graduate. I obviously have not done this yet but I am well on my way. Two more semesters to go and I'm an RN. I've totally got this and it WILL happen this decade. In fact, it will happen by the time I write this post next year. 
• Move out of my mom's house. Done and done. I am so grateful that she let me stay there for as long as she did but I love having my own place. Love love love. I'm so grateful that I can afford to do it. It's nothing fancy but I'm in love with it. 
• Take care of me. I can only say I halfway accomplished this one. I did take care of me, but I was pretty lost in single motherhood and nursing school. I have lost some of the weight I wanted to lose, but I'd like to make more time for "me" time. 

That was it. Those were all my goals for the entire DECADE. Aiming low, much?! I have so much more self confidence in myself this year it's astounding. I have accomplished so much. I haven't worked out my new resolutions for this year yet, but I'm going to figure them out and a post will follow. I've missed blogging so much! I hope you guys still enjoy reading. Xoxo! 

I hope each and every one of you have had as blessed a 2011 as I have and that 2012 will be even more so! 

Year in Review - 2011

Happy New Year!

I haven't been around for awhile :( Blogging has kind of gone by the wayside in light of... well... nursing school.

But I was thinking about the post I wrote on New Year's in 2009. It was especially cool because it covered a whole decade, but this year was pretty exciting so I thought I might use that format to let you guys know just what an awesome year I had in 2011.

So here it is: 2011 in bullet points.

• Started getting child support in February. Yay! {We separated in Oct 2009. That's how long it took. CRAZY.}
• Divorce was final in March - I was a single woman again! 
• In March I also applied for the super competitive nursing program. Eeep! I was so nervous! 
• I found out I had been accepted into the nursing program on my first application cycle in May. Squee! All my hard work for the previous two years doing prerequisites had payed off. 
• June, July, and the first half of August were lazy and wonderful. I took the summer off of school and just hung out with E for the first time since he was 5 months old. We did swimming lessons and spent a lot of time in one of those little plastic kiddie pools in our backyard. 
• Nursing school started in August. We got iPod Touches at orientation and I met all of my amazing classmates. They are now my BFFs and I love them to death. I will be super sad not to see all those amazing faces every day once nursing school is actually over.
• In October, I moved out of my mom's house after having lived there for two years. I am so appreciative of everything she did for me, but goodness is it nice to have our own space. I rent a tiny little one bedroom casita/mother in law apartment. It's small but perfect for just me and E. 
• During clinicals in November I met a boy. A seemingly good one, which I no longer even believed existed. I'm still testing him but so far he's passed, and has been very patient with my scrutiny. 
• December marked the end of the first semester of nursing school. I am officially 1/3 of a nurse, and I'm freaking excited about that. Two more semesters to go and I will be completely capable of supporting myself and E - not grandly, but comfortably. 
• Tonight I have New Year's date. E is staying the night at my mom's so I can stay out late and not have to worry about picking him up at like one in the morning. I'm super excited. This is the same boy I met in November... I really like him. There may be pictures and a relationship status update coming up on Facebook in the next couple of days.... keep your eye out ;)

So yeah. After a pretty rough DECADE? 2011 treated me extremely, extremely well. I am so grateful and feel so blessed. I'll miss you, 2011, but I'm excited to see what 2012 brings! 

What about you guys?! I'm so behind on everyone. Comment or link me to your posts with your year in review! Pretty please? 

Blood Transfusion

In the skills lab, we've been learning how to do blood transfusions. It's really very simple - for the most part, just like running a regular IV, just with a few extra bells and whistles. And of course, a million more risks.

One of which is hyperkalemia. Your blood cells are just full of potassium, and when blood is transfused, some of those cells burst, releasing way too much potassium into the plasma.

Before B died, she received a blood transfusion. I have no idea when, or how much. She was hemorrhaging from her lungs. That's all I know. When we were finally allowed in the room and they told us that they had done everything and she still wasn't getting better, that was one of the things the neonatal nurse practitioner said.

Her potassium levels are so high... so high her heart will slow down, down, down until it stops.

Asystole.

We let her die before that happened. When we made the decision, though, her heart rate was already in the 60s. The alarms kept going off. {120-160 beats per minute is what is normal, if you're not familiar.}

I don't know how high her potassium levels were. I wouldn't have understood it if I had known. I didn't understand anything, yet they put the decision of her life or death into my hands.

Every new thing we learn about that I was first exposed to that night takes me back. Makes me second guess whether I made the right decision. Because really, I made that decision with hardly any information. I had medical advice and that was all. No background knowledge to speak of.

Someday, I want to see her chart. I want to know what happened before they let us into that room.

But I'm afraid. Really, very afraid. I know too much now. I'll know if errors were made, or if I made the wrong decision. If I could have had them do something, anything, to save her life.

I looked up the number for medical records at that hospital just the other day. I haven't called it yet. I want to get her records sent to me - I don't know how long they keep them readily accessible {probably a long time, but still}. I'm nowhere near ready to read them, though.

Maybe when I graduate. Maybe when she would have turned 5. That's a nice round number.

When she would have turned 5, I'll know how to save a life. I'll be able to see more clearly that vague, vague line where enough is enough. I'll know for sure if her medical team - and if I - did everything, everything. I think we did, but I'm afraid. So afraid that we didn't.

ABE 2.0 Winner!

The winner for the Eco Baby Prize Pack is Lindsay! She was comment #37! Yayayayay!!! Congratulations Lindsay! 

Thank you so much to everyone for participating in ABE 2.0! It was so much fun! 

Nursing School - Orientation!

Today?

Awesome.

I couldn't sleep last night. The countdown clock I've had on my desktop ever since I applied to the nursing program (counting down until the latest date we would find out our admissions status, and then counting down until, well, today!) read: "FINISHED!" Just like that in all caps. SQUEE! I got E's diaper bag all ready (emphasis on the diaper - I took like 8 or 10 cloth diapers to daycare with him so I don't have to remember them every day), cleaned out my purse, opened up all my new pens and pencils, and was so overwhelmed by my books that I decided to just leave them all in the box. Finally at midnight I showered so I wouldn't have to in the morning (mornings and I don't really get along), looked over the student handbook again (we were told to read it before we came to orientation) and went to bed.

I managed to roll out of bed at a decent time (6:30, I think? Maybe 6:45) and thankfully my alarm didn't wake E up, so I got to do my hair and makeup alone! I honestly don't remember the last time that happened. So it was great. Everything went smoothly; I knew what I was going to wear, and E woke up at the perfect time - maybe a tad late for when I wanted to leave - but woke up happy and he was super excited once I told him we were going "bye-bye in the car."

I was really worried about how he'd transition to daycare - we have a new daycare provider this semester and I honestly wasn't too sure about her yet. I mean obviously I was sure enough that she was a good and qualified caregiver, or I wouldn't have let him go there at all, but I just didn't know whether I loved her or not. When we got to her house I finalized some paperwork with her; meanwhile, E got down and started running around like he owned the place. I was amazed. After about 30 minutes I told him that mommy was going bye-bye to school, and that he was going to stay and play. He started to cry, but the daycare provider told him to say bye-bye, which he did, and then immediately diverted his attention to their family dog. It worked like a charm, and she said the only other time he cried was when she took the crayons away because it was lunch time! He had a really hard time transitioning to daycare last semester; it's amazing the difference 6 months can make at this age.

So I went off to orientation! It was great to be at the nursing building and not on the main campus - there are more parking spaces than cars, so no spending 20 minutes trolling for a good spot. I was amazed at how quickly I got parked and in the building. I was a little earlier than I had anticipated being, but it was fine. I sat in the front row because I'm cool like that, next to some super nice girls that I got along with well. Double yay!

We did boring things - went over paperwork and other things that I assume most of us already knew since the information was readily available on the website. But then the bombshell came, out of nowhere.... we were each getting an iPod Touch!!!  What?!?!?!?!

Turns out that this is the first semester they're trying to integrate technology into the program, so they're testing it on us. I don't mind... except that I just bought one. I wish I would have known, but I'm still totally psyched that their use will be not only tolerated but required in classes and clinicals. YAY! The one they're providing is only an 8 gigabyte - the one I bought is a 32 - so I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. I *have* to use the one they provided for clinicals - they took our serial numbers and stuff. So selling the 8 gig and keeping the 32 isn't an option. I can return the 32, but *sigh* all that space! Or I can keep both, but how selfish and excessive is that?! Sigh. I knew I had a bad feeling about buying one for a reason!

Anyway, they gave us all our iPods, and then we had our pictures taken for our program IDs that will get us in to clinicals and stuff. My hair had seriously wilted by this point so I'm kind of afraid to see that picture. Oh well.

And that was it! I picked up E and he had been having a blast at daycare. He was happy to see me but wanted to stay and keep playing ;) I can't explain to you how happy that made me; there's so much guilt associated with taking your child to daycare (at least for me) and it makes my heart sing to know that he likes it. That I'm not a bad mom for taking him there. That he enjoys the social interaction and change of scenery and doesn't spend the whole time worrying because I'm not there.

I have my first "real" class tomorrow morning at 9 am! I started the reading (90 pages) for the first lab we have this week and got about 2/3 of the way done with it. I'll finish it and start the reading for Lab #2 tomorrow night. Eeeek! So much to do already and we haven't even been to a class!

On that note... I'm going to bed. I got out of the shower right before I sat down to write this post, and I think my hair is dry enough to not soak the pillow :)

A Blogtastic Extravaganza 2.0 - Eco Baby!

I didn't participate in A Blogtastic Extravaganza last year but I had so much fun entering all the giveaways that I really wanted to be a part of it this year! I was so happy to be one of the blogs chosen to participate!

I have a great prize package full of my favorite products that have helped me become more eco friendly and save money at the same time!

The winner of my ABE giveaway will receive:

• One 2-pack of Tiny Bites Food Shears
• 2 "Regular" style Bamboobies reusable nursing pads
• One 45/90 Bag of Rockin' Green Soap
• One JoeyBunz Insert
• One Pooter's Organic One Size Pocket Diaper
• $20 Gift Card to ThanksMama
• $20 Gift Card to SweetBottoms Baby Boutique

YAY! That's a lot of eco friendly, money saving goodness right there. 

Mandatory Entry:  

Follow my blog via GFC (sidebar!) (+1)

Additional Entries: 

Follow me on Twitter (+1)

Tweet about this giveaway (including link!) and leave permalink to tweet (+1, up to 3x/day at least one hour between tweets.) Suggested tweet: "Going green and saving green - Enter to #win products to do both from @HauteSingleMama during #ABE2! #clothdiapers http://bit.ly/qUYHoO " 

"Like" on Facebook: 

Me! Haute Single Mama

Tiny Bites

Rockin' Green 

Bamboobies

Baby Kicks

Pooter's Diapers

Thanks Mama Cloth Diapers

SweetBottoms Baby Boutique

+1 entry for each sponsor that you "like"! 

I'm doing this the old fashioned way, so please leave a comment on this post for each entry you complete (and please send me an invite to Rafflecopter if you have one. Seriously.) US only, please. Good luck and have fun entering all the other ABE giveaways!!! 

*Please be sure to either have your email visible from your Blogger profile or leave me your email or Twitter name in your comment so I can find you if you win! Please be especially mindful of this now that I opened it up to anonymous comments :) Leave me some way to contact you!

Tiny Bites Food Shears - Review

When I first found this product, I was intrigued. Food cutting scissors?! I'm not a chef, so I don't have all the bells and whistles in my kitchen. But this was something I totally had to try.

From the day I opened the package, I found a MILLION uses for those babies. The most used? Cutting up grapes. I always worry about E choking on grapes, but it's nearly impossible to cut them into decent sizes using a fork and knife! The Tiny Bites Food Shears made it take no time at all - snip, snip, snip, and DONE.

I was super surprised at how sharp they were. They cut up chicken and steak! I was amazed. It is so much easier than using a fork and knife to try to get those tiny toddler sized pieces.

The reason that these shears serve their purpose so well is that they were invented by parents of toddlers!! Imagine that! Ed and Anila designed the shears with their own toddler meal adventures in mind, and blessed the rest of us in the process. These have honestly been a lifesaver for me. Look how much more safe and toddler friendly meals become with the Tiny Bites Food Shears!

Photo from www.TinyBites.com

Don't worry if you didn't win your Tiny Bites during ABE; they're available at a  retailer near you!